All couples have problems and disagreements; and it’s natural, because you’re both completely different people with different wants and needs, trying to navigate life as a team. That’s challenging, and anyone who says it’s not is either in denial or fibbing.

The funny thing is, most couple’s problems stem down to the same handful of issues. The good news is, once you identify the problem, and make a choice to work on it together, it’s possible to overcome it. It all really depends on how much both of you want to save your relationship. 

Here are some of the most common relationship problems, and how to overcome them before they get worse. 

The Common Relationship Problems Most People Face 

Show me the money! 

Money tends to be one of the most common relationship problems and usually tops the list.

There’s not enough of it, or you both have different spending and saving habits, or one of you makes a lot more than the other which creates a power imbalance. Maybe you stopped working to have a baby, and now you’re struggling to find work again; and perhaps your partner feels financial pressure now more than ever.  

The list goes on.

The best thing to do is to sit down and figure out what each of your relationships with money is. Talk about how you feel about money, and how you relate to it. Re-visit the lessons you learned and the experiences you had around money in your childhood. Usually, our relationship with money is identical to one or both of our parents. 

If money is a constant stress in your relationship, then figure out a way to cut your spending or increase your income, but do it together.  

Is it really all about communication? 

Almost all relationship problems can be attributed to one larger issue, and that is communication; or usually, a lack of it. 

Generally, women tend to be better communicators than men, simply because men are taught to hide their feelings at all costs, out of fear of appearing weak. The problem with this is, you have one person in the relationship who wants to talk things out, and another who completely shuts down or avoids dealing with it. 

This leads to one person feeling misunderstood or like they’re not being heard; while the other person drowns in their own frustration.

On top of that, when we do try and express how we feel, wires can get crossed, and we may end up hurting our partner or unintentionally placing blame on them. And this only makes things worse.

The best thing to do is figure out what your communication issues and styles are, and work with them. Sit down and talk about things once the dust has settled, and you’ve both had time to cool down and process things. This will avoid anything being said in anger. 

Always focus on speaking with love and respect to each other, even when you feel hurt. Try and see where the other person is coming from. And if you’re discussing a problem, try and use the word “I” instead of “you.” 

E.g. Instead of saying: “When you don’t tell me how you feel, it creates a big problem.”

Say: “I feel disconnected from you when I don’t know how you’re feeling”

It’s sexy time! 

It’s common for sex to be great when you first start dating someone. You’re in that honeymoon phase that you just can’t hold onto forever. Over time, sex may happen less often because of other commitments, and it can become less spontaneous and exciting than it used to be.

If this is the case, making an effort to rekindle the flame can usually solve the problem. Dedicate more time for sex, break up your usual routine, flirt with each other, and date each other again like you did before. 

Aside from that, you may discover that you both have different sex languages, and you’re struggling to get what you need from your partner, or feel like you have to do things you don’t really want to do. 

This is where communication and respect come into play. Sit down and talk about what you need from your partner in bed, and what you’re not okay with. If they love and respect you, then this won’t be an issue, because they will want to make you feel comfortable.

The future

The future is what so many of us are worried about, whether we’re single or in a relationship. 

Will this person still want to be with me ten years from now? Will I still enjoy this person’s company and love being with them when we move in together? Can I see myself having kids with this person? Does this person even want to get married and have kids? What if things don’t work out, and I’ve invested all this time and energy into our relationship?

And these issues will inevitably crop up over time, especially as you invest more time in the relationship. So don’t be put off by these topics, they really are the most common relationship problems that most couples face at some point. 

The reality is, relationships require compromise. We can’t always get what we want when we want it. At the same time, we shouldn’t have to compromise on our big values and beliefs. 

For example, if you really want to have kids and be a mother, and your partner continually tells you he doesn’t see himself as a father, then that relationship is probably not going to work out in the long run. 

But when it comes to smaller desires and dreams, it’s about working together to ensure you both feel fulfilled and happy. With love and respect, the challenges couples face in relationships can always be overcome together! 

The post The Most Common Relationship Problems And How To Overcome Them appeared first on The Date Mix.

Intimacy is a process through which we can feel truly seen, known, and connected to our partner. Whatever way in which you and your partner choose to be intimate is perfectly acceptable and normal as long as there’s clear consent. 

Trying out new intimate things to do with your partner can be a great experience. Better yet? It can even bring you two closer together. Here’s the low-down on different types of intimacy and some tips to overcome intimacy issues.

4 Types of Intimacy in a Relationship

Physical Intimacy

This is often the go-to form of intimacy for many couples. 

Physical intimacy is usually crucial to maintaining a healthy and lasting romantic relationship. It can involve touching, cuddling, and of course, sex. 

However, physical intimacy doesn’t always have to be sexual. It can mean being affectionate in other ways too, like holding hands or giving a massage.

If you and your S.O. struggle to maintain a regular routine where you’re physically intimate, actively put aside time where you two can be close in this way. 

Skin-to-skin contact is vital for your mental and physical health. It’s a great stress reliever too, so think of it as a form of self-care! 

Are you feeling disconnected from your partner physically? If the answer is yes, then it’s important to explore why that might be. 

For example, if your partner tries to hold your hand and it makes you feel uncomfortable, consider why this is happening. Pay attention to your thoughts and reactions. Be honest with yourself.

And if your partner is the one who seems to be disconnected from you, ask them about it. Avoid making assumptions, it’s always better to be honest than to be speculative.

Opening up a dialogue on intimacy can be very helpful. After all, communication is key to a successful relationship. 

Emotional Intimacy

While physical intimacy is displayed via touch, emotional intimacy is demonstrated through words and communication. 

Successful emotional intimacy is where participants feel supported, understood, and heard. It requires partners to trust each other and when practiced frequently, it can make a relationship stronger.

What exactly does emotional intimacy entail? Well, it varies! It can be anything from spending quality time with one another to journaling together or practicing honest communication.

If you and your partner are struggling with emotional intimacy, why not pencil in time together away from your phones and devices? Or write a “What I love about you” list about each other? 

These practices may sound cringy but studies show they can make a real difference! 

Getting vulnerable like this is easier for some people than it is for others. So don’t worry if it doesn’t feel natural to you!

Intellectual Intimacy

This is one of the types of intimacy that many couples don’t consider. Intellectual intimacy is when couples share ideas, thoughts, and views. 

Engaging in stimulating back-and-forth discussions with your partner can increase your respect for them tenfold. 

Learning to disagree with them constructively can also improve how you resolve conflicts. 

So make a conscious effort to avoid growing defensive or angry. A healthy debate fosters intellectual intimacy like nothing else.

To improve your intellectual intimacy with your S.O., why not read the same news article and then discuss what you both got from it? 

Or join a book club and regularly check-in with your partner’s opinions on each month’s read.

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy refers to the sharing of higher and personal ideas. This includes your beliefs and values. 

While some couples practice this via religion, other couples choose to partake in mindfulness, meditation, or yoga together instead. 

Talking about spirituality with your partner allows you to connect with them on a deeper level, one that’s full of meaning.  

Our advice? Schedule time with your partner to share your takes on spirituality and life with one another. 

Regularly engaging in positive thinking can change how you look at the world and those who you love. It can help you see the bigger picture, and in a relationship, this can be a game-changer.

Why not watch the sun-rise (or set) together or go for a morning walk each day? Practicing types of intimacy in nature can feel extra freeing.

Fostering Intimacy is Important

By realizing physicality isn’t the only way we can connect, we open ourselves, and our relationships, up to infinite possibilities. 

So take time to try out these multiple types of intimacy with your partner. Who knows, maybe it’ll bring your love to new heights!

The post How To Foster Different Types Of Intimacy In A Relationship appeared first on The Date Mix.

Intimacy anorexia, a term coined by Dr. Doug Weiss, is considered a hidden addiction. It’s often not readily apparent, and its symptoms can coincide with other conditions. That makes it difficult to diagnose, but there are 11 characteristics that can help us understand it beyond normal intimacy issues.

Understanding Intimacy Anorexia: 11 Signs

1. They’re always busy 

People with this condition keep themselves busy, leaving little to no time for their spouse.

2. It’s not their fault

Problems in the relationship will always fall on the shoulders of the other partner, not the individual with intimacy anorexia.

3. They withhold love

They’ll intentionally withhold love in the way their partner desires to be loved.

4. They withhold praise

While you may receive praise in a public setting, praise in private is non-existent.

5. Withholding sex

This isn’t always the case, but if they’re not withholding sex, they’ll withhold intimacy during the act. The same addict who is doing everything to avoid intimacy will often feel terribly needy and lonely. Sometimes the addict is aware of a longing for connection; other times the addict lives without intimate connection but doesn’t quite know what is missing.

According to counselor John Thorington, isolation and loneliness can then become the excuse for sexual acting out. 

6. They withhold spirituality

People with intimacy anorexia can be very religious, or even a spiritual leader, however, they rarely connect spiritually with their partner.

7. Unable to share feelings

Whether unwilling or unable, those who suffer from this condition don’t share their feelings with their partners.

8. Highly critical attitude

Do you feel your partner always has something negative to say? Negative feedback and highly critical behavior are hallmarks of this disorder.

9. They use anger or silence against you

When things don’t go their way, you may find yourself up against the silent treatment, or extreme anger.

10. You feel like a roommate

Most people, when describing their relationship with someone dealing with intimacy anorexia, say they feel like they’re in a roommate situation, not a relationship.

11. They control the money

This is the least common characteristic, however, if it’s present it’s serious. They’ll use money to control their partners and keep them where they want them.

How Can We Heal?

Some of the above may seem normal, and for most marriages, there are times where sex can be slow, or you’re simply just missing each other when trying to communicate and connect and it can feel that emotional intimacy is lacking. That is normal. Intimacy Anorexia is not.

Doug Weiss’s analogy for the spouse of an Intimacy Anorexic (IA) is that they have become a starved dog. He explains that if you buy a cute sweet loving puppy at a shelter and take the puppy home and lock it in a small crate, and refuse to feed and water and walk the dog and only address the dog with anger and abuse, that sweet little puppy becomes a starved, mean dog.

This analogy explains the dynamic when everyone on the outside sees a great person (the IA) and they view the spouse (the starved dog) as unreasonable, mean, controlling, and emotional. This is one of the worst parts of being a spouse of an IA. 

Not only are you alone in your marriage, but it’s possible the very people who care about you view you as the person who is being unreasonable and the reason the marriage is failing. You can become alone in marriage, and alone in your social circle as the IA can create an environment where you will seem like the bad partner when you’re the one who has been hurting and abused for years sometimes.

As with any addiction, the crux of healing is held by the IA. They must choose to want to save the relationship, come back from years of controlling everything, and want to change. Without that, the afflicted partner will be doing the work alone, without anything changing.

The hardest part is taking the first step and acknowledging there’s a problem, then forming a plan to solve it. And healing can happen, with counseling and therapy offering a safe space for couples to grow out of this emotional addiction together. 

The Bottom Line
Intimacy Anorexia is a painful disorder for the partner who doesn’t have it. But there is hope, through talk therapy, sex addiction therapy, or even courses you and your partner can complete at home. All journeys begin with the first step. Talking with your partner about healing the damage incurred can be difficult, but if your relationship can be saved, it’s vital to do it.

The post Understanding What Intimacy Anorexia Is And How To Heal appeared first on The Date Mix.

Both men and women can be an emotionally unavailable partner, and it can happen for many reasons. Often it’s to do with a past relationship or experience. For others, emotional unavailability can be a situational factor, such as career problems, financial stress, or their health.

Whatever is causing it, it’s important to know the signs of emotional unavailability so you can check-in with your partner and manage your expectations. So here’s our advice when you feel your other half is struggling… 

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Spotting the signs of emotional unavailability early in a dating relationship can be really helpful. While each person is different, these issues cropping up can be relationship red flags to look out for. 

•       Need for control     

Your partner wants to control the relationship. They don’t compromise or show any flexibility in adjusting to your schedule or your priorities. They rarely ask for your input when planning a group dinner party or a romantic holiday, and they make you feel like you’ll mess up their plans if you have a say.

•       Lack of compassion     

A lack of compassion for other people can be a danger sign. Maybe they use teasing and bullying behavior or become demanding when interacting with others they see as inferior. Or perhaps you notice that they struggle to show empathy. 

•       Secretive behaviors   

If your crush is secretive about their past and other relationships it could also be a cause for concern. Sure, hearing someone’s whole life-story probably isn’t a dream date. But if you feel after a few dates that you don’t actually know much about them, then maybe they’re hiding something. 

How to approach an emotionally unavailable partner 

In cases of situational emotional unavailability, such as a health issue or a problem at work, communicating with your partner is key. 

Let them know that you’re feeling worried, but also disconnected from the relationship and them. Make sure to do this calmly so they don’t feel attacked. Rehearsing what you want to say can be helpful when you’re feeling nervous. 

If talking to the person doesn’t trigger a change or willingness to have an honest discussion, their emotional unavailability may be a sign of a deeper issue. In these situations, maybe suggest seeking professional help. 

Remember, for most people fearing vulnerability isn’t something they do intentionally to hurt those around them. It’s usually a coping mechanism that they’ve learned to survive. And working through it alone can feel daunting. 

Advising them to visit a counselor means they’re with an experienced professional who has the tools needed for them to heal past wounds. It also takes some of the pressure away from you and your relationship. This will likely be a relief for both of you. 

Partners in these situations often don’t realize the discomfort and emotional pain they’re causing. Remember the aim here is to give perspective and let them know how you’re feeling too.

Make sure that they know that you’re not blaming them for going through something difficult, but rather are offering a helping hand. Patience is important. 

And if they don’t respond to your efforts?

Over time, if your emotionally unavailable partner refuses to accept the issue, change, or seek help, then it could be time to reassess the relationship. Being in a relationship with someone who is always emotionally distant can  become extremely draining if they’re not willing to work on it.  

Of course, it’s natural to want to support your partner if they’re going through something tough. But making them better isn’t your responsibility. It also isn’t always effective.

After communicating your worries and recommendations, if they aren’t taking your concerns seriously, it could be time to say goodbye.

It’s essential to consider your own mental health and well-being. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner. It just means you love and respect yourself too. And loving yourself is the recipe for a happy, fulfilled life!

Sherry Gaba helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives. If you need support, join her Breaking Free from Obsessive Love online course here. Or take her quiz to find out if you’re struggling with co-dependency, sign up for a 30-minute strategy session, or learn more about how to get over a break-up. For more information visit www.sherrygaba.com or sign up today for Sherry’s online group coaching program. Buy her books Love Smacked: How to Break the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love or Infinite Recovery 

The post Recognizing The Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner appeared first on The Date Mix.

Even if you’ve been with someone for years, it’s never too late to figure out the best way to set boundaries. Here are some ways you can start setting them with someone you care about.

Our Guide on How to Set Boundaries 

Talk about the importance of alone time with your partner

Are you the type of person who really values alone time? That’s totally natural, healthy even! But it’s important for your partner to know. Otherwise, they may push your limits without realizing it or think that you’re avoiding them.

If you feel that you need alone time to unwind after work or to read the weekend paper in peace, say this to your partner. Explain how it’s nothing personal, and actually to do with you and how you care for yourself. Communication is key.

Taking the space to be on our own allows us to get to know ourselves. By defining our individuality, we’re more self-assured and confident. That makes us better partners too. Sounds like a win-win situation, right? 

Stand your ground while learning how to set boundaries

Your feelings matter. If something makes you uncomfortable, you should figure out how to set boundaries and make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

This includes incidents in the bedroom. If your partner does something sexually that makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to tell them and set boundaries. There’s no need to feel awkward or embarrassed.

If standing your ground is a deal-breaker for them, this might be a big sign that this isn’t the best relationship for you. For a relationship to be successful, it’s important that both parties feel safe and supported.

Keep calm and try not to turn it into a fight

In figuring out how to set boundaries, you may worry that it’ll turn into a blow-up argument. 

If your frustration with your partner has led you to wonder how to set boundaries with them, cool down and take some deep breaths before you have the conversation about it. The goal here is to improve your overall relationship, not make it more strained. 

Communicating boundaries with your partner in a calm, clear way is key. Explain to them that creating this space for you to grow as individuals will probably bring you closer together and protect your relationship in the long run. 

Avoid blaming each other and anyone else 

Try to think about how you’re phrasing your words. Putting some thought into how to kindly bring this topic up with your significant other will go a long way. Trust us. 

For example, do you feel uncomfortable with how much of your relationship your partner shared with their parents? Then saying something like, “I am not comfortable when you tell your bossy mom about our personal business” is probably not going to go down too well. 

Instead try saying “I feel a little awkward when you talk about our future plans”. It works better because it puts the focus on you, not their mom, and they won’t feel attacked. Good phrasing can be everything.

Otherwise, it’ll likely lead your partner to feel the need to defend their parent and the real issue getting lost.

Remind yourself that boundaries can change with time 

It’s possible that as the relationship goes forward, you’ll naturally start to feel more comfortable with your partner. So, your boundaries may end up changing. That’s perfectly fine, as long as you’re comfortable with it.

When you learn about setting boundaries, you need to remind yourself that this isn’t a permanent list. Instead, it’s just what feels right in the moment. Make sure your partner knows that. It’ll let them know there’s room for personal growth.

Understand that boundaries are an essential part of every relationship 

If your partner makes you feel as if setting boundaries is unhealthy, this could be a relationship red flag. 

Everyone should set boundaries at some point, otherwise, they risk getting lost in mismanaged situations. If your partner mocks your need for certain freedoms, it’s important for you to see that as their rebellion for not getting their way. 

Don’t allow yourself to be stepped on just because you’re afraid to speak up. Establishing boundaries is your right. 

Get comfortable with saying no 

It’s ok to say no to something. And, it’s also a small way for you to build up a bit more confidence. 

By disagreeing with the popular opinion on occasion — and making it well known — you’re proving that your feelings matter and should count. The more you get used to saying no when you want, the easier it’ll be to set boundaries and be taken seriously.

Learning how to set boundaries can be scary, especially if you don’t often speak up. But, it’s an important skill to learn. If you don’t feel safe or respected in a relationship, it’s likely that this environment isn’t one where you’ll thrive. 

So learn to voice your opinion and respect yourself and your expectations. We bet you’ll feel all the better for it.

The post How To Set Boundaries And Why It’s Good For You appeared first on The Date Mix.

Of course, it’s natural to feel insecure from time to time. But there’s a big difference between sometimes feeling less than and being made to feel inadequate by your partner or relationship. 

In order for you to mend the insecurities in your relationships, you first need to spot them. So here’s our advice on how to identify and mend them.

4 Signs of Insecurities in Relationships

Fear of losing your mate

One sign that you’re feeling insecurities in relationships is the constant fear of losing your mate.

Do you often worry that your partner is more interested in other people, even though they assure you they’re not? Feeling this way can be stressful and make you act out.

So how do you tackle this fear? By practicing trust. Regularly sit down and have an open conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Be honest and explain to them your insecurities and expectations. 

A supportive, caring partner should respond positively to this. Discuss the root of fear that they’ll leave you and what you can do, together and apart, to work on this.

If you’re truly concerned that you’ll not be able to trust your mate, then perhaps the issue is not your insecurities in relationships. Maybe this relationship is simply not the correct path for you. 

If so, move forward with the people who do support and love you! A supportive network is key to a happier life. 

Insecurities in relationships equal jealousy

Studies show that there’s a certain level of jealousy in a relationship that is considered healthy. After all, you’re in a committed relationship. Of course, you don’t want someone else breaking what you’ve built together. 

But, there’s a point where healthy jealousy turns into consuming insecurity. Common signs of jealousy include:

• Spying on your mate
  
• Constantly questioning your partner’s whereabouts
  
• Controlling behavior, such as demanding friendships to be ended
  
• Getting clingy with your mate
  
• Pettiness, such as  flirting with someone else just to make your partner jealous

While acting on this sneaky emotion seems entirely justified in the moment, it’s not worth ruining a great relationship over. Particularly if it’s based on speculation. 

Check in with each other regularly to discuss your relationship’s health. That way if there’s something going on that would cause your partner to stray, you’ll be the first to know. 

Remember, you can only control your behavior. Monitoring their behavior won’t make your relationship stronger, it’ll only make your insecurities worse. 

Spend time alone together as a couple. Go on a date night or romantic getaway. Spending quality time together will build the respect you have for each other and your relationship. 

The need for constant reassurance

Am I attractive? Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Are you being faithful? Why do you like me anyway? These are all questions that are spurred on by insecurities. 

If you’re insecure with yourself you may find you’re constantly requesting reassurance from your partner for validation. While this may feel like a natural response to how you’re feeling, in the long run, it can have negative consequences for you and your relationship. 

Our advice? Love yourself first. Sure, it sounds cringy, but it’s really true. Before you commit to someone you deserve to realize how wonderful you are alone. Your partner can’t take away your insecurities, only you can.

If you’re always relying on someone else to tell you how great you are, it can drain them and you. Plus, what if they’re not there when you need an extra pep talk?

Instead, focus your energy on treating yourself. Take yourself on dates. Create goals that revolve around you, independent from your other half.  Work on ways to appreciate your beautiful self! Self-care is really important. It even makes you a better partner!

You always avoid confrontation

Do you avoid confrontation like the plague? Even when it’s warranted? This could be because you fear that your partner will leave at the slightest sign of opposition. 

If you want to pursue a healthy relationship, it’s vital that you practice honest communication. This means getting uncomfortable topics out in the open and sharing your thoughts and feelings with one another. 

It may feel awkward, even scary. But we promise it’ll make you stronger as a couple and more resilient as an individual. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Overcoming insecurities in relationships can be challenging. But it’s also rewarding.

We all enter relationships with some sort of baggage and if these insecurities are yours, then tackling them is your battle! You have all the tools necessary to become a more secure and happier individual. You got this!

The post How To Identify And Overcome Insecurities In Relationships appeared first on The Date Mix.