On one hand, many of us are really wishing we had a romantic partner during these trying and lonely times. On the other hand, dating is difficult to do while social distancing, and in many areas, we don’t have the luxury of our once typical date spots, like restaurants.

While Facetime dates and texting banter is better than nothing, it’s difficult to truly connect with someone from behind a screen and go from casual messaging to having a Netflix and chill partner.

While we don’t want to jump into a relationship that might not be right for us, we also have natural, human needs for affection and intimacy that can’t be ignored. That’s where platonic intimacy comes in, and why these strange times can actually be the perfect time to nurture your closest friendships. 

There is no “right” way to practice platonic intimacy in your relationships, but the bottom line is that a romantic relationship isn’t the only type of relationship that should make you feel loved, appreciated, and giddy on the regular.

Likewise, you shouldn’t reserve gifts, words of affirmation, and other cutesy behavior for romantic partners—your friends deserve that love too! Platonic intimacy can mean sending a long paragraph to your bestie and telling her why she’s amazing, cuddling while watching a movie, or bringing your friend his favorite Thai takeout just because. 

Here’s why deep friendship is so important, especially now.

Why Platonic Intimacy is So Fricken Great 

Most friendships will likely last longer than your romantic relationships

This may sound negative, but it’s the truth. Think about the longest relationship you’ve had, then think about the longest friendship you’ve had. It shouldn’t be surprising if you’ve had friendships that span the length of multiple dating partners you’ve had.

If our friends have been with us through the thick and thin, why do we prioritize our romantic partners that may only be around for a few months? Why do we go above and beyond to do special things for our boyfriend or girlfriend, when our friends have always been there after every breakup? Most people do this, so there’s no shame if you’ve fallen victim to this behavior, but it’s definitely something to think about and potentially work on changing!

Even if you don’t have super long-lasting friendships due to location changes or personal growth, you probably have more friends than romantic partners if you’re monogamous. This means that even if your friendships don’t last super long, one of your friends will be around when you need them. Think of it as not putting all your eggs in one basket.

Practicing intimacy (and boundaries) in your friendships will help you have healthier romantic relationships

Even the best romantic relationships are always complicated. When non-platonic intimacy gets involved (re: sex), many of us tend to wrestle with qualities we don’t love within ourselves. Think: jealousy, anxiety, or obsessive behaviors.

Chances are, you don’t deal with these types of negative emotions in your friendships, and can freely give love the way you want to without worrying so much about scaring someone away, being taken advantage of, etc.

This is why practicing platonic intimacy in your friendships can ultimately help you to be a better partner. Because at the end of the day, the person you choose to be in a romantic relationship with should treat you like a great friend, and you should treat them with the same respect and love that you would give a great friend as well.

Likewise, you should give your romantic partner similar boundaries you would give your best friend and practicing this in your friendships will make it easier for you to do so in your romantic relationships as well.

Nurturing friendships can help protect you from jumping into another romantic relationship too soon

Like I mentioned in the intro, lots of us are feeling a bit lonely right now. We want someone to bake bread with, take care of our plant children with, and watch HULU with. We want someone to cuddle with at the end of the day after a particularly grueling Zoom meeting with our boss. 

But our culture is so focused on finding a romantic partner for these activities, that you may have never asked yourself, why can’t I do these things with my friends? Of course, you can, and building a close circle of friends that you can do these types of activities with will ensure that you don’t cling on to a romantic partner that doesn’t meet your standards just because you’re afraid of being lonely.

As a bonus, you’ll likely realize that it’s better to have multiple friends for all the activities you want company for. Because the person that enjoys ordering extravagant, three-course takeout meals with you may not be the same person who wants to play Wii Tennis with you, and that’s totally normal! This brings me to my next point…

A deep, multitude of friendships will ultimately make you feel more fulfilled—whether you’re single or not

Our culture has placed unrealistic expectations on romantic relationships. We want a romantic partner who understands us, has the same hobbies, likes the same music and movies, has the same sexual preferences, and the same values that we do. It’s exhausting, and it’s a one-way ticket to never finding someone that meets your standards or your “checklist.” 

By having a great support system of friends who can tag in, you alleviate your future partner from bearing the burden of having to fill a multitude of roles within your life, which will ultimately make for a healthier relationship. You probably don’t have one single friend that you rely on for everything, right? So why would you place those expectations on a romantic partner?

Instead, having a great circle of friends will make you appreciate your current or future partner more because it’ll give you time to miss them, and allow your partner to spend time with you in the capacity that they thrive in.

Your future partner may be a great cuddle buddy and Netflix-binge watcher, but might not be great at giving you work advice. That’s why you’ll have your old colleague, Brandy, to call when you need work advice, rather than getting frustrated at your partner who works in a totally different industry and can only help so much.

So, go practice platonic intimacy!

If you’ve never practiced platonic intimacy, no worries! Now is the perfect time to start. Chances are your friends will appreciate the extra love and support from you, and will reciprocate by showing their appreciation too!

There’s also a very good chance that practicing this type of behavior will help alleviate the feelings of loneliness you might be dealing with. Go out and appreciate your friends, the good ones really can be forever! 

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However, love can also be confusing when it comes to deep friendships. Loving someone is possible without a sexual attraction. You can enjoy someone’s personality and feel grateful to have them in your life, but not feel in love with them. This is actually a lot more common than you might think.

If you don’t know how you feel about someone, here are some good distinctions as to whether or not it’s a feeling of general love, or if you’re in love.

You can’t imagine them dating someone else

If you get upset by the idea of them dating someone else, you’re likely in love with them. Even if they’re happy, you can’t help but think that you should be the one they’re dating. You may want to tell this person how you feel before it’s too late. Even if they reject you, it’s better for you to know sooner rather than later. 

“There’s no magic cure for an unrequited crush,” Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., said to Cosmopolitan. “But focusing on other relationships or finding a new passion can sometimes help make the healing period a little shorter”. 

You think they’d be the perfect partner if they made one big change

You should never expect to change someone in a relationship. If you look at them and automatically feel as if there’s room for improvement, you’re probably not in love with them.

When you love someone intensely that should mean that you’ve accepted their minor faults and flaws. You’re in love with them for who they are, not who they could be. People should naturally change and grow during any relationship, but you can never force it.

When they have a bad day, so do you

You know you’re in love with someone when you feel their pain. Loving someone at a passionate level means that you can empathize. Seeing them hurt in any way will also affect how you’re feeling.

However, if you just care about them, you may offer your support if needed and continue on with the day. You don’t feel that urge to be a “team” with them and help them further.

You feel a level of intimacy with them

You’re in love with someone if you care about them and also feel the need and desire to get physically close. And even more, you know your feelings are strong and serious if you don’t have the urge to chat with others you may be attracted to.

“Falling in love may correspond with changes in attention, specifically: people in loving, committed relationships show less attention to other viable partners,” says Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato, an associate professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland, speaking to Oprah Magazine.

They’re the first to hear your good news

Or, bad news. You want them to be included in your life, and you know their reaction and support will go a long way. If you just casually love someone and care about them as a person, they’ll likely learn about the news later on.

The person you care about, platonically, doesn’t need to know as urgently as someone you have a romantic desire for. Just think about it – if you got a promotion, would you tell your spouse or your work friend first?

Being in love with someone means you can envision spending your life with them

Oftentimes, we can be in love with someone and have it not work out. And, that’s very tough to deal with. The reason being, you already mentally prepared your future with this person. In your head, you’re both working towards similar goals.

When you’re in love, you can easily fantasize about the years ahead. That may include marriage, possibly children, and a life together as partners. Loving someone on a casual level means that you wish them nothing but the best, but don’t see your futures intertwining in such an integral way.

There are a lot of differences between loving someone and being in love with them. However, sometimes it takes time and introspection to tell it apart.

Sometimes, we may think a partnership is leading towards a love connection, but the spark isn’t there. Other times, we may end up falling for someone we’ve just viewed as a friend as the love naturally developed into something more. Hopefully, this can help you uncover what lies at the heart of it for you. 

The post Loving Someone: The Difference Between Being In Love And Loving Someone appeared first on The Date Mix.

If you’re not sure if your friend love qualifies as a friend crush, these are the signs to look at.

1. You Get Jealous Easily
If you’re dancing with the green-eyed monster each time your bestie has a date, crush, or relationship, then you’re probably friend crushing—hard. It’s one thing to think get mildly insecure; it’s another thing to wish your friend a lifetime of singlehood. Lay off the black magic.

2. You Blow Off Your Love Life to Hang With Them
Did you swipe right on a new cutie, but backed out of the date when your BFF said they needed some you time? Are you avoiding new people because you’re certain there’s no replacing your best buddy? You’re crushing, duh.

3. You Would Do Anything For Them
And when I say anything, I mean the boring and yucky stuff that no one ever really wants to do for someone else. Yes, that means picking them up from the airport and helping them to move into their five-story walk-up apartment. No matter how sticky the tasks are, you’re game because, well, you adore the heck out of them.

4. You Remember Everything About Them
The big details, and more importantly, the little details. You know their weird food ticks, like being gluten-free and vegetarian. You know their favorite color is yellow. You know they need to wear a sweater outside even if it’s above 75 degrees. You know that look in the eye they get whenever they meet someone they don’t like. And, of course, you never, ever miss their birthday.

5. You Feel Disappointed If You Don’t Text Everyday
You look forward to your funny GIF exchange and your witty banter. You love hearing about how their day is going (no matter how banal it is). But if you don’t hear from your friend for a day, you feel disappointed. In fact, you might even feel a little sad and neglected because they perk your day up so much.

6. You Can’t Wait to See Them
If you have plans for the weekend, you’re basically counting down the minutes until you see them again. Admit it: You probably have a whole game plan on how your hang out session is going to be – even if it just means you’re chilling on the couch. You want everything to be just perfect, and you always want to make sure your friend has the best time possible. And, of course, the piece de resistance: you get butterflies whenever they walk into a room. Yup, you’re hooked.

Okay, so, you’ve realized you have a big fat crush on your best friend. Now what? That’s your call. If you think it might not be reciprocated and/or could affect your friendship, then you might want to hold off and see if your feelings dissipate. Crushes do come and go. But if you realize that you might be head over heels with the love of your life (aka Pam and Jim)? Then say something. Some of the best relationships stem from a fantastic friendship. It could be the best thing you’ve ever done. And if you do speak up and it’s not what your friend wants? If your friendship is strong and built on kindness and respect, then chances are, it will endure.

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If you feel like it’s time to find some new besties to tell it all to, the good news is that you’re not alone. Friend-seeking apps are designed to bring common people together in hopes of creating new and fulfilling friendships. Here’re a few apps that are like Tinder for friends that can help you get started finding your new BFF!

Tinder For Friends: 7 Options to Try

Meetup

Meetup organizes online groups that host in-person events for people with similar interests. This app can be great for people who feel more comfortable meeting in group settings. Similar to confirming an RSVP for an event, Meetup lets you respond Yes, No, or Maybe to an event.

Bumble BFF

Usually known for its dating app, the company Bumble has Bumble BFF and it’s becoming popular for connecting with like-minded people nearby. When you do find a potential friend match on the app, you have to start a conversation within 24 hours to keep the connection active.

Friender

Who can turn down an app with the word friend in it? Friender is a mobile app that connects people with similar interests. When you build your profile, suggested matches will have at least one favorite activity in common with you, which could help in starting a conversation.

The League

The League is a site that’ll connect you with ambitious and go-getter potential friends, exclusive events, and inspiring groups. In order to get into The League, you must pass a screening process as it’s vetted to accept people with competitive credentials.

Patook

This app is known for strictly making platonic friends. With its main goal being to connect compatible people together, Patook members can use a point system that will allow them to give out points for traits they like and see the points be shown next to their name on the app.

Nextdoor

Nextdoor keeps you up to speed with everything happening close by. Only members who live within your neighborhood can join your neighborhood group unless you used a shared link invitation to friends who live outside of your area. This social networking is great for people who want to get to know their community better.

Hey! VINA

Self-described as the “Tinder for (girl) friends,” Hey! VINA was designed for women to meet female friends at any time. What’s cool about this app is that it encourages you to share more about yourself, including your activities, interests, and what you’re going through in your life that could help you meet friends that are going through similar events.

Finding a new relationship can feel like starting over, and finding new friends can feel like the same process. Don’t get discouraged if the chemistry isn’t there with certain people. Any kind of relationship takes time to grow. These apps can connect you with online groups and nearby people who are looking to build a good relationship and friendship!

*The Date Mix is owned by Zoosk, Inc. Zoosk, Inc. is not affiliated, associated, authorized, endorsed by, or in any way officially connected with Tinder, Meetup, Bumble BFF, Friender, The League, Patook, Nextdoor, or Hey! VINA, or any of their subsidiaries or affiliates. Tinder, Meetup, Bumble BFF, Friender, The League, Patook, Nextdoor, and Hey! VINA are registered trademarks of their respective owners.

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Not too long ago I reunited with a college roommate at our alma mater. It might have been 14 years after we donned our caps and gowns together for our graduation ceremony but, once we were together, hanging out, eating, and laughing, it felt like yesterday.

How is it possible to make friends in college that will last a lifetime? Here are some valuable tips that have worked for me.

Make sure your friendship is build on something substantial.
It’s easy to fall into fast friendships in college especially when everything and everyone is new. A simple smile can go a long way. But it’s important to remember that long-lasting friendships are built on similar values⁠—and not just how many tequila shots you can take before you puke. Do you have things in common, like interests and activities? Are the things you value in life—for example, honesty and reliability—aligned with theirs? Look past the superficial and seek the substantial.

Seek out people who make you feel good. 
As you get to know your friends in college, take notice of their qualities. Are they trustworthy? Do they communicate openly and honestly? Are they encouraging and supportive? Do you feel good when you’re around them? Friendships are a wonderful ingredient to our lives when they provide a fun and safe haven for us. If our friends uplift us and remind us of our worth, while also allowing us to let our hair down, then those are amazing qualities that have the right stuff to make it for the long-term.

Be the friend you want to have.
What kind of friendship do you most crave? What kind of friend do you want in your life? Maybe the qualities you desire include compassion, kindness, support, and encouragement. If so, then in order to attract that type of friendship into your life, you must be able to embody them yourself.

Like attracts like. If you’re someone who complains about having shallow and fast friendships, then you might be giving off those qualities yourself. Do you follow through with plans or do you bail? Are you true to your word or you do make a lot of excuses? Do you offer your shoulder to a friend in need despite being in the middle of a Netflix binge? Be the friend you want, and you’ll end up meeting the same.

Prioritize connection.
College life, and life after college, can get pretty busy. Factor in work, internships, and romantic relationships, and sometimes our friendships take the back burner into our lives. Like any relationship in our lives, friendships require nurturing in order to grow. Take the time to organize an afternoon or a night when you and your friend(s) can hang out and reconnect.

If you can’t get together, then make sure to check in with your friend and get some intel into what’s going on with their lives. If your friend is being a little distant or busy, let them know that you’re thinking about them and want to connect. Sometimes we get so wrapped up with our own lives we just don’t realize that we’re being MIA. When we don’t make the time for connection, then it’s easy for friendships to slip away. Sending a daily text, even if that means a goofy GIF, helps keep the connection alive.

Have realistic expectations and respect your differences.
People have different needs, and different languages of love—including our friends. How you communicate your appreciation and devotion to a friendship might very well be different than your friends. Maybe you like talking on FaceTime a few times a week while your friend would prefer meeting you for a coffee on the weekend to catch up. When we fail to realize that we have unique needs and expressions of love, then it’s easy to get frustrated and disappointed with each other.

Also, be prepared for change: people change, and as a result, so do our relationships. Allow your friendship to evolve and grow, and commit yourself to the transitions no matter how difficult they can be (unless it becomes toxic, then you can bid adieu). When in doubt, communicate how you feel with your friend so you can find a common ground.

After college, life gets even more complicated and crazy and amazing—which is why you want a group, or a handful, of solid friendships to join you on the incredible ride. By taking heed of these tips, you might very well friends in college that will last a lifetime, and take it from me—there’s nothing better than an old friend who remembers you back then.

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They say that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with, so when you choose to spend time with inspiring and loving people, that only has a positive effect on you.

Here are some of the top ways in which our friends make us stronger, better people:

They remind us of our strengths.
All of us have our own unique super powers that we’re gifted with at birth. Some of us are eternal optimists, while others are able to make anyone laugh. Some of us are able to give great advice when a person is a little confused about what choice to make, while others can be counted on to always be there for you come rain or shine.

Sometimes, we lose sight of everything we’re great at, and become focused on everything we’re lacking. But our friends are always there to remind us of our strengths again.

They pick us up when we’re down.
Our friends are usually the ones who are there for us through all the ups and downs of life—painful breakups, bereavements, illnesses, and failures included.

And no matter how terrible our situation is, we can always count on them to be there for us in our time of need, and bring some much needed light into the darkness. After a drink and an intimate chat, you often feel like everything really will be okay, and that it’s not the end of the world.

They encourage us to see the bright side of everything.
We all have that cheery, glass half full friend who is able to find the silver lining in every situation—no matter how bad it is.

When we get dumped, they’ll remind us that someone better is waiting around the corner for us. When we don’t get our dream job, they’ll tell us everything happens for a reason. When we’re going through a difficult time at work, they’ll remind us that this is only making us stronger.

Our friends help us see the bright side of everything, and we’re much better off with wonderful people like this in our lives.

They call us out when we’re not being true to ourselves.
Great friends don’t always tell us what we want to hear, and that’s what makes them so special. People who don’t really care about you or your life will tell you whatever you want to hear, but that’s not in your best interest.

We need people around to call us out when we’re fucking up, not being true to ourselves, or falling short of the people we want to be. That’s exactly what our friends do. And we’re stronger, better people for it.

They’re always cheering us on.
It doesn’t matter if it’s something as little as running a 5k race to raise money for charity, or something as huge as starting a new business, writing a book, or climbing Everest. Our friends are always there cheering us on—if it’s important to us, then it’s important to them. And in turn, we’re there for them too.

We all need supportive and encouraging people around us, especially when we’re pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones and trying to do something we’ve never done before. With this kind of support, we’re able to do and achieve so much more than when we’re doing it completely solo.

They help us see the world through a different lens.
Our friends are most likely different people to us, in at least a few ways if not many. This means that they bring a different light to all situations, and help us look at things from a totally new perspective.

When all we can see are problems and reasons why something won’t work, they’ll be able to show us an opportunity. When we feel like we’ve failed at something, or our life feels totally off course, they’ll help us see that maybe this is exactly where we’re meant to be.

And this kind of perspective shift rubs off onto us too. Soon, you’ll be able to look at the challenging aspects of your life and see them in a whole new way.

This is the power of incredible friendships. They change us. They help us grow. And they make us stronger, better versions of ourselves.

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