I recently went to one of London’s must-see sites, Piccadilly Circus. The Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain at its center was built to honor philanthropist and social reformer of the 19^th century Antony Ashley-Cooper, the 7^th Earl of Shaftesbury. To honor his charitable work, the sculpture that sits atop the fountain is a winged figure with a crossbow representing the Greek god of selfless love, Anteros.

Amongst the collective though, the figure evolved to represent his brother Eros, the Greek god of romantic love. Eros (or Cupid to many) garnered more attention throughout the following decades to the point that a winged figure with a crossbow and the word “love” next to it would only represent one version of that distinctly human emotion. 

The subjectivity of love, particularly the one pertaining to romance and desire, only increased once Eros got new tools in the 21^st century. Eros moved from matching in offline settings like restaurants/bars, universities/colleges, or regular gatherings between friends to using desktops and laptops with internet connection. These digital connections did not create a critical mass of matches, but Eros saw what could be.

Not 10 years later, Eros refined his toolkit to include smartphones with touch interfaces. They helped Eros generate a rush of positive energy about the process of having fun-loving adventures before finding love anywhere and at any time. It eventually overtook all other settings to become the largest community of romantic relationships. Eros had it all under control, or so we thought. 

Even as apps on mobile devices became the go-to space to search for love, they did so by both overwhelming (too many choices) and underwhelming (few right choices) online daters.¹ And then… Covid-19 hit. This once-every-100-year global pandemic forced all to exclusively use digital interconnectivity to communicate. Lockdowns and lack of in-person face-to-face human interaction propelled Eros and his digital tools to new heights as almost half of adults started socializing (and dating) virtually more than before the pandemic.  

The Ever-Changing Business of Love

As change is here once again, understanding how people make those decisions when dating today is vital for Eros to better meet expectations in the future. Research has identified two key tensions constantly pulling and pushing them.  

The first one relates to temporal rewards. Post-pandemic dating for older daters and younger daters alike, involves making a split-second decision about whether their goal is a short-term release or build for a long-term payoff. Plenty follow the former as Eros tends to elicit thrilling and exhilarating emotions with ease. 

The second tension, which relates to an emotive state, has appealed to more post-pandemic. People move between an individualistic state (you need to elevate yourself) and a state of togetherness (you need to belong). Covid-19 accelerated the trend of people striving for the latter because, if it happens again, they want the right person by their side.  

This state of flux when dating post-pandemic implies that nothing is etched in stone regarding which type of love most will want. Even when it is, like on a fountain in Piccadilly Circus, it may take on a whole new meaning depending on the eye of the beholder.²

Currently, there is too much effort demanded of online daters and they see little reward. “The search for a like-minded person should not be this hard,” is a common response. They are now demanding more value alignment. Connecting people based on specific tastes (for instance, music preferences, possession of pets, or the decision whether to have children or not) right from the start is not a novel approach (even 30% of all online daters are open to faith-based dating)³. However, it is bound to increase in significance as more people are unwilling to compromise.  

Another demand relates to the quality of the matches presented. For Eros and the partners that provided the digital tools, this means going beyond the superficial cues and providing more relevant context. An image is usually the first impression people make online. Adding video or audio to this first impression helps but there is so much more required to improve the experience.

Highlighting the priorities each person has and putting them in the forefront helps see the person behind the profile. Additionally, an influx of too many matches also diminishes the “quality” of each. If there are several “the ones,” how credible is that?  

Change for the Better

Eros and his digital partners are at another crossroads. Most people that Eros connects online use unpaid opportunities to search for and find love. Research uncovered that after this global pandemic, willingness to pay for a better experience is strong.⁴ Paying users are expected to grow, both in relative and absolute terms. People will accept nothing less than their ideal when their time and money are involved. 

Post-pandemic daters need a digital setting where they can begin their search and feel confident their journey toward connection will succeed. One that shows you the real places where real people can start meaningful relationships. A digital setting where people will have an ally throughout the entire process to avoid the overwhelming and underwhelming sensations. One that brings two like-minded people together to start a journey to a happier, more fulfilling emotive state.  

Eros, with the help of Zoosk, can provide an uplifting and supportive digital setting to online daters in this post-pandemic world. Together can start with Zoosk.  

^1,2,3,4 Spark Networks Consumer Needs Study, 2022

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In honor of the return of the date night, the team at Zoosk have looked into the cost of a date in the US. They’ve worked out that the average date will set you back $97.67 – but of course, in some cities, it’s much, much more…

Getting back to in-person dating

In a recent Zoosk survey of 600 singles, 93% indicated that they were excited about a return to in-person dating.

Now, dating post-pandemic does come with a whole new set of rules – for instance, 65% of people say that they and their date would both need to be fully vaccinated before a meetup. And reopening rules differ from state to state, so it’s worth checking local mandates before asking someone out (The New York Times has an excellent overview).

Yet overall, the level of excitement for the return of the date night is rising. 42% of singles say they’re most looking forward to getting coffee or drinks with a date, 40% of singles say they’re excited about sharing a meal in a restaurant, and 18% say they can’t wait to see a movie with someone special.

With this in mind, the team at Zoosk looked into how much these romantic rendezvous might cost across the US. Looking at data from the most populous city in each state, the team looked at the average price of a romantic night for two, including drinks, a meal, and movie tickets.

The average cost of a date in the US

The average cost of a date night in the US is $97.67. However, in some cities it’s far more expensive. New York City tops the list: if you’re planning on taking someone for dinner, drinks, and a movie in NYC it will set you back an average of $150.00. At the other end of the scale is Des Moines: a date night in the biggest city in Iowa costs an average of $72.00 – less than half the cost of a date in New York.

The price of a date night in each state

Wondering what budget you’ll need for a date in your state? The Zoosk team has priced up the average cost of a date night in the biggest city in each state, as well as in DC. You can press Ctrl + F to search for your city or state:

1. New York City, New York: $150
2. Honolulu, Hawaii: $130.50
3. Boston, Massachusetts: $126.00
4. Seattle, Washington: $122.00
5. Los Angeles, California: $121.00
6. Washington DC: $119.00
7. Chicago, Illinois: $115.50
8. Burlington, Vermont: $111.00
9. Las Vegas, Nevada: $110.50
10. Anchorage, Alaska: $110.00
11. Virginia Beach, Virginia: $109.50
12. Baltimore, Maryland: $107.50
13. Denver, Colorado: $106.07
14. Milwaukee, Wisconsin: $106.00
15. Nashville, Tennessee: $105.00
16. Providence, Rhode Island: $104.74
17. Charleston, South Carolina: $104.00
18. Minneapolis, Minnesota: $103.00
19. Manchester, New Hampshire: $102.24
20. Charlotte, North Carolina: $100.00
21. Kansas City, Missouri: $99.00
22. Columbus, Ohio: $98.00
 =    New Orleans, Louisiana: $98.00
24. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: $97.00
25. Phoenix, Arizona: $96.00
 =    Portland, Oregon: $96.00
27. Indianapolis, Indiana: $95.50
28. Salt Lake City, Utah: $94.50
29. Newark, New Jersey: $94.00
30. Boise, Idaho: $93.00
31. Louisville, Kentucky: $91.00
 =   Portland, Maine: $91.00
33. Bridgeport, Connecticut: $90.50
34.  Atlanta, Georgia: $90.34
35. Billings, Montana: $89.99
36. Birmingham, Alabama: $87.50
37. Fargo, North Dakota: $87.26
38. Houston, Texas: $86.00
39. Little Rock, Arkansas: $85.98
40. Jacksonville, Florida: $85.50
41. Wilmington, Delaware: $85.48
42. Jackson, Mississippi: $85.00
43. Wichita, Kansas: $84.00
44. Omaha, Nebraska: $82.00
45. Albuquerque, New Mexico: $80.00
46. Detroit, Michigan: $78.50
47. Cheyenne, Wyoming: $78.00
48. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma: $77.50
49. Sioux Falls, South Dakota: $75.00
50. Charleston, West Virginia: $74.00
51. Des Moines, Iowa: $72.00

What kind of a date night are you most looking forward to? Join the conversation on Zoosk’s social media channels: Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

About this study
All percentages in this study from a Zoosk survey of 600 singles, May 2021. All costs based on an analysis of average prices for specific items on numbeo.com, May 2021. City size determined by population estimates from 2021.

The post Data Study: The Cost Of A Date Night In Your State appeared first on The Date Mix.

Although sex should be about having fun, there’s nothing wrong with recognizing why it’s good for you and taking a closer look at the actual benefits of sex. 

So, What Are the Benefits of Sex?

1. Better sleep

Your body releases oxytocin, also called the love hormone, and endorphins during orgasm. The combination of these hormones can act as sedation and better sleep can contribute to:

• a stronger immune system
• a longer lifespan
  
• feeling more well-rested
  
• having more energy during the day

Getting better rest is vital for our health and relationships. If we’re not well-rested, we become stressed which can put a serious strain on our relationships. Having more sex not only helps us get the zzz’s we need, but also improves our relationship.

2. Headache relief

Sexual activity can provide full or partial relief from migraines and cluster headaches. Believe it or not, of people who were sexually active during their attacks:

• 60% reported an improvement during a migraine
  
• 70%  reported moderate to complete relief during a migraine
  
• 37% reported improvement of symptoms in cluster headaches
  
• 91% reported moderate to complete relief in cluster headaches
  

3. Improved Heart Health

Just like any physical activity, healthy sex is good for your heart. A study published in the American Journal of Cardiology found that men who had sex twice weekly or more had less risk of cardiovascular diseases, like stroke or heart attack, than those who had sex once a month or less.

And for those who worry that the exertion involved in sex is a threat to the heart, the American Heart Association’s Scientific Statement on Sexual Activity and Cardiovascular Disease says that having sex is safe for people who can exercise with no heart problems.

Having sex can actually be considered a rather good form of exercise. On average, you burn three to four calories per minute. That’s a lot more fun than toiling away on a treadmill.

4. Beneficial to Your Mental Health

Sexual activity, with a partner or through masturbation, can provide important psychological and emotional benefits. Like exercise, sex can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness. Studies suggest that sexual activity may correlate with:

• increased satisfaction with your mental health
  
• increased levels of trust, intimacy, and love in your relationships
  
• improved ability to perceive, identify, and express emotions
  
• lessened use of your immature psychological defense mechanism to reduce distress from emotional conflict. 

At an older age, sexual activity may also affect your well-being and ability to think. Research found that sexually active adults between 50 to 90 years old had a better memory. They were also less likely to feel depressed and lonely. Turns out the benefits of sex remain at any age! 

5. Confidence booster

Frequent sexual activity, whether with a partner or alone, can make you look younger. This is partially due to the release of estrogen during sex. Sex can boost self-esteem and reduce feelings of insecurity, leading to more positive perceptions of ourselves. That’s reason alone to add more sex to your life! 

6. Social benefits

Thanks to oxytocin, sex can help you connect to your partner. Oxytocin can play a role in developing and deepening relationships. You will find that consistent, mutual sexual pleasure helps with bonding within a relationship. 

Coupled partners often have increased relationship satisfaction when they fulfill one another’s sexual desires. And you may find positive growth in your relationship when you’re able to express yourself and your sexual desires.

7. Reduction of Prostate Cancer Risk

A study published in the journal European Urology found that men who ejaculate more than 21 times per month, compared with those who do so four to seven times per month, were 20 percent less likely to develop prostate cancer. While more research is needed to confirm this link, it appears that men who ejaculate regularly may reduce their risk of prostate cancer.

The Bottom Line

Sex isn’t the only indicator of a happy and healthy relationship, but it can provide benefits we may not normally think of. If you find that your levels of desire don’t match with your partner’s, communicating about why and working together to foster more sexual intimacy can benefit you both in many ways. 

The benefits of sex are both physical and emotional and a happy sex life should be a priority in your relationships. With so many positives, it’s a no brainer to engage in safe, sane, and consensual sex whenever we can!

The post The Benefits Of Sex: Why You Should Be Doing It More appeared first on The Date Mix.

According to a 2017 report by the National Center for Health Statistics, 3.8 million babies were born in the U.S. last year—the lowest number in thirty years and down two percent from 2016. That’s not surprising considering another study showed birth rates amongst women in their twenties declined by 15 per cent between 2007 and 2012. Additionally, according to the National Survey of Family Growth, about 15 percent of U.S. women and 24 percent of men don’t have any children by the age of 40.

If these recent studies are any indication, going childfree will continue to be a popular choice for both women and men. So why are people choosing to go childfree?

They want a more successful career
One study showed that nearly one-in-five American women enters menopause without children, with the most educated women—those with a master’s, doctoral or professional degree—being the most likely to never have a child. Perhaps now, for the first time in generations, women don’t have to neglect their careers for motherhood if they so choose. After putting years into schooling and getting established in one’s career, both men and women are deciding they would rather put their energy into their professional lives. After all, when you consider that Time researchers found it takes eight hours a day to parent two children up to the age of eighteen, where do the other hours go to work on your career, take care of yourself, and go to sleep? Sometimes something’s gotta give, and sometimes that’s having kids.

They want to be closer to their partner.
Let’s be honest: when kids enter a relationship, date night and alone time with your partner doesn’t happen as regularly anymore. More time and energy is spent on nurturing the child than it is on nurturing the relationship with your partner. Which is why it’s not entirely surprising that one study found that childless couples have happier marriages. The study from Open University found that people without children are more satisfied with their relationships and are more likely to feel valued by their partner than couples with children.

They want to be happy.
According to a 2016 study by researchers at Baylor University, the University of Texas at Austin and Wake Forest University, parents in the U.S. are not generally as happy as those who aren’t parents. While the reasons found were related to the lack of workplace packages such as paid sick time, paid vacation, flexible hours, and maternal and paternal leave, respondents in a childfree study by Amy Blackstone, a sociology professor at University of Maine, offered another glimpse. One study participant noted, “A lot of people with children didn’t look happy…The majority were definitely stressed out. There was something there that was not inviting me to participate in this lifestyle process.”

They want to save the environment.
Some people think that choosing to go childfree is the most environmentally responsible decision. Having more kids would only contribute to the over-consumption and over-population crisis we already seem to be in. In fact, one study from Lund University in Sweden found having one fewer child per family can save “an average of 58.6 tons of CO2-equivalent emissions per year.” According to their research, “A U.S. family who chooses to have one fewer child would provide the same level of emissions reductions as 684 teenagers who choose to adopt comprehensive recycling for the rest of their lives.”

While choosing to be be childfree is an entirely unique and personal decision that’s different for everyone, perhaps we’re most close to this unifying thought: that having children doesn’t have to be a necessary life experience. We can lead fulfilling, successful, and meaningful lives, in addition to having loving relationships, without a baby in the baby carriage. What completes one’s idea of a happy life doesn’t have to be the same for another. Because maybe there’s a puppy or a kitten in that baby carriage instead, and maybe that’s more than enough.

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Well, love might be mysterious, but attraction isn’t. There’s a growing amount of scientific research into attraction, and how it affects our bodies and brains. Of course there are the things we think of first when trying to describe why we’re attracted to someone: their personality, their good looks, or their sense of humor. But there’s actually a lot more going on underneath all that, down to a molecular level.

Smells are more important than you know.
A lot of what we learn when we smell a potential partner is communicated to our body’s systems subconsciously. Ever heard of pheromones? We secret pheromones at different times—when we’re scared, hungry, and yes… feeling attracted to someone. (Though there is some scientific debate about that.)

There are tons of ways that our sense of smell controls our attraction levels. There’s evidence that suggests smell subconsciously signals us that our partner is healthy, or if we might be genetically compatible. Men can smell when a woman is fertile, and women can smell how symmetrical a man is (symmetry is a big factor in attraction). There’s also this study that found women preferred the smells of men who had a group of genes known as the major histocompatibility complex that differed from their own. The idea there is that women are scenting out men who can help them reproduce the healthiest babies possible. It’s evolution at work.

Attraction can stress you out.
If you’ve ever felt that someone’s so hot it’s sickening, you’re not wrong. Cortisol gets released when you’re falling for someone. It’s a stress response that can actually make you nauseated. 

What you see is what you get.
There are studies that show women are able to tell a lot about a man just by looking at him. Women were shown photos of men who had compromised immune systems after receiving a vaccination. The women in the study found men who had the strongest immune system reaction to be the most visually attractive. It sounds bonkers, but there’s apparently a lot more at work when we look at someone than we might think.

When it comes to physical attraction, the power of visuals goes both ways. Men have been shown to find a woman more attractive when she’s at her most fertile moment of the menstrual cycle. Another interesting tidbit: women who live in low-income environments are likely to have a stronger attraction to more traditionally masculine-looking men, but women in higher economic spheres tend to be visually drawn to men who look more feminine.

We fall for sound, too.
Scientists have discovered that when a woman is fertile, her voice sounds more seductive to men. And women react more strongly to men with deeper voices. One study in particular found that men who heard a woman’s voice could get tingles in their skin. The fact that this can happen based of just the sound of someone’s voice is wildly cool.

It’s all about the chemicals.
When you’re really into someone, your body starts firing off a complex chemical compound designed to keep you hooked on that feeling. You might know dopamine as the hormone that makes you happy. According to Haley Decker, writing for The Odyssey Online, “dopamine has the exact same effect on the body that cocaine does, and you can easily become addicted to it.” When we’re crushing hard, our bodies start releasing dopamine like there’s no tomorrow. It suffuses through the whole body, which is why you might feel like you can’t get enough of the person you’re attracted to.

Noerpinephrine is another hormone that comes into play. It’s like adrenaline, but for love. Decker writes that “it helps you to say the right things and pay attention” in order to achieve your end goal: mutual attraction. It’s like a temporary superpower that keeps you fully in the moment. If your hands start sweating and your knees get a little shaky, that’s the noerpinephrine hitting your system. Serotonin is also important in the attraction chemical makeup. It can affect your moods, sleep, and appetite. It’s great in the beginning stages of attraction, but if it gets cut off by a sudden rejection, the lack of it can mess you up. Oh, and don’t forget oxytocin. That’s what gives you that heart-melting feeling.

Attraction can make you dumb.
Scientists have found that certain sections of your brain turn on or off when you’re falling for someone. The amygdala, the part of your brain that controls fear responses, shows less activity when you’re in love. The frontal cortex of your brain is responsible for judgment and predicting future outcomes. When you’re falling for someone, that cortex goes dark (figuratively). When you’re attracted to someone, your brain basically becomes your hype man and dials down the parts of you that might make you more cautious.

There’s a lot of scientific research into what goes on in our bodies as we become more attracted to someone. It’s worth noting that most of these studies assume heterosexuality in their subjects, so a lot of what we know is based on that. Hopefully researchers start to look into the ways attraction differs in different sexualities, but a lot of the things we know already are probably applicable no matter who you’re attracted to. So the next time you get butterflies in the pit of your stomach, just remember: it’s probably the cortisol.

The post The Science of Attraction: Smell, Voice, & Looks appeared first on The Date Mix.

According to the Harvard Department of Neurobiology infatuation symptoms can include insomnia, cravings, and loss of appetite. Other symptoms include forgetfulness, exhaustion, or even stomach issues.

Sounds weird but a new love can increase the levels of dopamine in the brain (which feels really great) but those heightened levels of dopamine also signal an increase of cortisol, the “crisis handling” chemical, and norepinephrine, an adrenaline hormone. So, basically, infatuation can completely scramble your brain.

Here are a few infatuation symptoms you should be ready for:

1. Flaw-Blindness
Raging dopamine levels do all kinds of things to your brain and body, and one of them is majorly clouding your judgment. Yes, your new boo is probably absolutely wonderful, but the chance that their completely and utterly perfect is pretty slim. If the way they smack their lips when they eat ribs is just freakin’ adorable now, give it time to simmer before you declare it’s your favorite thing about them.

2. Forgetfulness
In crisis mode, your brain narrows its scope down to a singular focus—what’s essentially tunnel vision. That means that when you’re preoccupied with a new special someone, your brain may be dropping off its list all the other things that aren’t “important.” If you’re driving home with every intention of stopping at the bank, you may find yourself in your driveway before you even realize you’ve forgotten.

 3. Sour Stomach
When the stakes are high, your anxiety levels naturally heighten, and that can drop your desire to eat. If you’ve been on cloud nine lately and you’re finding that your stomach isn’t cooperating, this may be the reason why.

 4. Insecurity
Cortisol can caused heightened anxiety, and when you’re focusing on impressing someone new (and worrying about whether or not they’re as into you as you’re into them) this can cause you to turn your anxieties inward, and focus on your imperfections. Suddenly, you may find that you can’t let go of the size of your calves, or you’re fretting about if you’re savings account is too small. Things that you normally take in stride may become incredibly bothersome.

5. Exhaustion
Your preoccupation may hit whole new levels if it’s disrupting your sleep patterns. You can lie awake for hours thinking of all the wonderful things about your new crush, fretting over all the things that could go wrong, waking up early to do some extra primping in case you run into them, work out a little harder and cut back on calories to look your best, and not to mention panic sweat when they even look in your direction. These heightened activities can really take a toll on the body.

When you consider the havoc being newly in love wreaks on your body and mind, it can be daunting, and frankly, a turn off. But here’s the best part: You’re so in love, you don’t usually care. None of these symptoms even compare to when that dream person looks into your eyes. So keep sailing on that sea of love, dear friends. Soon the newness will wane and you’ll be left with the long lasting comfort of being able to sleep, eat, see, and remember things again.

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